Responsible Parenting
What it May Look Like
Up until the age of five, most kids are securely at home and in the care of loved ones. As they grow and enter school, they begin to explore boundaries and interact with many more people than just family and relatives. You are no longer the sole influence in your children’s lives; schoolmates can be friends or sources of stress. It is during these formative years that parental guidance should be flexible, and self-care is essential.
Taking time for your own well-being is crucial. It provides you with the strength and endurance needed to help your little ones grow upright. One effective way to practice self-care is to actively learn about your children and teens. Teaching kids the value of obedience, good manners, and emotional regulation, along with guiding them in making right and wrong choices, is essential for long-term success—for both you and them. While this may seem straightforward, many parents find these skills don’t come easily or naturally. Your ongoing instruction is vital for their survival in the world we live in today.
Raising children comes with its fair share of challenges, right? Let’s talk about the art of listening. Children are easily influenced by their peers and often preoccupied with their own interests. Your patience will undoubtedly be tested, especially when you try to communicate with them. Each child has a unique temperament and personality, so it’s beneficial for both you and your child to observe and determine which communication methods work best.
It's important to remember that children's personalities and needs change over time. This is where flexibility, patience, and understanding come into play. If you want your child or teenager to listen, you must model what good listening looks and feels like. Show them respect and forgiveness in your interactions with others. The ability to resolve differences and conflicts is crucial for their development, especially when you’re not around to guide them.
Cultivating empathy and encouraging kids to take responsibility when they make mistakes is also essential. Even young children can learn to be thoughtful toward others. The best way to teach this is by consistently demonstrating gratitude when others support you. Remember, children and teens should never be expected to do things beyond their capabilities.
Many children face learning disabilities and mental health challenges that are often misinterpreted as misbehavior. Nonetheless, all kids and teenagers have the potential to grow, and it’s vital for them to learn that actions have consequences. Most young children can take responsibility for their behavior at home, school, and in their communities. The expectation of self-control and respect will be important throughout their lives. If you establish a consequence for a behavior, following through is crucial for consistency; inconsistency can lead a child or teen to manipulate situations.
Endless screaming matches and arguments can often be avoided when children and teens understand the consequences of misbehavior in advance. They are less likely to resist if they know the rules and the outcomes of breaking them—and if they believe those consequences are non-negotiable. Of course, for discipline to be effective, it should never be delivered in anger or aggression. Remember, you are your child or teen’s best teacher. Raising children is hard work that requires immense patience, but the rewards are incredibly rich.
What It Really Looks Like
It’s not always easy to implement parenting strategies, and maybe that’s why you’re here. Or perhaps you’ve just reached your limit with your partner. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re parenting alone or on opposite sides of the field—like a football game where both teams are wearing the same colors! Parenting inevitably changes relationships, often leaving us feeling distant and torn. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent or working full-time, the load at home remains the same, and let’s be honest: it can feel heavy!
As a mother who spent years at home raising my kids, I can relate. I often felt like my husband believed I was simply sleeping in after he left for work, indulging in marathon sessions of Dr. Phil and Judge Judy. Sure, those shows were on in the background, but in reality, I was navigating the chaos of parenting—juggling dishes, laundry, and the occasional crisis of sticky fingers and spilled juice. So, while my husband imagined I was having a spa day, I was more likely knee-deep in laundry with a toddler clinging to my leg!
Yes, those shows were on, but between the dishes, laundry, and the whirlwind of chaos that ensued during the inevitable screaming matches, catching up on TV was a real challenge. I often found myself nearly slipping on the floor, my hands covered in dish soap and my hair tangled in remnants of last night’s dinner—rice, anyone? The floors were perpetually sticky, and the laundry? Oh my GOSH, it was like a never-ending mountain that just kept growing, defying gravity and my best efforts!
And let’s talk about the bathroom situation. How many times did I wipe the toilet and floor after my boys, despite countless lessons on aiming, still managed to create a little splash zone? Kids would run, fall, cry, and scream if I didn’t swoop in fast enough. Meanwhile, my girls were engaged in epic battles over stolen clothes—yes, even underwear! Add to that the overflowing bathroom bin complaints and the endless bickering about their "stinky brothers" and Dad's relentless passing of gas, and you’ve got a recipe for a sitcom!
Running from one doctor’s appointment to another, I can assure you that staying home was not quite the spa retreat my husband envisioned. It was more like a wild rollercoaster ride—one that came with a side of laundry and a sprinkle of chaos!
I made that quite clear when he walked in through the front door; poor guy! I mean, who wants to come home to needy kids and teens asking for money for everything after a long day of work? I can’t blame him for thinking I was living the dream while he was grinding away. I was just as guilty of underestimating his responsibilities and used to think he wasn’t doing much either.
In my mind, I pictured him sitting at his computer all day, blissfully isolated in his office—no kids, no messes, no cooking! I imagined he never had to endure a 30-minute hold just to speak to someone about why our bills were mysteriously higher than usual. Did you know kids have a special talent for leaving every light in the house on? Anyway, I imagined my husband just pushing “buttons” on his keyboard, living a life straight out of The Jetsons. George Jetson sits there pushing buttons, and Mr. Spacely pops in every now and then to keep him on his toes. If only real life were that simple!
I imagined it was the same for Mr. DeAlba, who was likely dodging his boss to avoid yet another round of endless conversations about numbers and deadlines. Spending hours in redundant meetings, he must have wished he could use toothpicks like Tom the Cat from Tom and Jerry just to keep his eyes open! Not to mention the relentless phone calls from patrons hurling profanities in both Spanish and English—because nothing says “customer service” like a heated debate over debt collection. So glad he works in managing peoples money now as opposed to trying to collect it.
And so it went, day in and day out. Thankfully, things started to improve—just a little—as our kids got older and he landed a better job. Who knew that the key to a happier home life was simply waiting for the kids to grow up and for him to escape the clutches of corporate chaos?
Then Puberty Hits!
Parenting Teens
My teenagers brought a whole new level of drama to our household—seriously, it was like a daily production. Their acting skills were spot-on when it came time to wake up for school. Mornings often felt like a fireball of anxiety, with me thinking, “They need to hurry! I’m going to get canned one of these days for being late to work.” Fired from where, exactly? I’m not sure... after all, I was a stay-at-home mom. But the urgency felt real, especially as those tardy letters began to pile up. Oh, wait! I remembered that my anxiety mostly came from my husband, who “could” get fired if the girls continued monopolizing both bathrooms. Luckily for us, he didn’t—though my 16-year-old daughter was still struggling to tame her curly hair, which seemed to have a mind of its own, while the other one tumbled around like a scarecrow, a trail of straw following her every move. ADHD at its finest!
Meanwhile, the boys’ bunk beds were on the brink of collapse, the video games were getting louder, and their stinky socks still ended up on the bathroom floor. Girls from school (and who knows where else in the universe) were texting them, and they complied with their every command to hang out. It wasn’t long before they were contemplating moving out because we were “evil parents.” But the parenting party continued—and it still does today. Oh, what a journey it’s been!
We made it, kind of... we’re still parenting, and boy, have we learned a lot along the way. I always say that the first few kids you have are like pancakes. You know how the first ones always come out a little burned and shaped funny? Yep, that’s our family in a nutshell! Just ask the older kids how “unfair” we were compared to their younger siblings.